Текст песни: Lard. Pure Chewing Satisfaction. I Wanna Be A Drug Sniffing Dog.

I wanna be a drug-sniffing dog
So I can snort coke all day long
Bite my master when it suits me
Get off on diminished capacity

I wanna be a customs man
Snoop through your stuff 'cos I can
Sneaky-peaky pry through your private lives
Stroke your panties jackin' off at lunch

Weh-Oh, Weh-Oh-Ho!
Sure beats Alpo

It's the life
It's the stink
It's the attitude

I wanna be a San Francisco cop
So I can speed and run red lights
And sure as Rodney was a King
We got ways to make you sing

We can seize everything
Houses, cars, and life savings
Keep the loot for ourselves
Fake drug charge works every time

I wanna join the Christian Coalition
So I can molest my children
None suspect me cos I've been saved
Til my stepdaughter drowns her kids in a lake

Weh-Oh!, Weh-Oh
Spare rod
Spoil the child

It's the life
It's the stink
Choose your masks