Текст песни: Mc Chris. Eating's Not Cheating. Rats.

[mc chris]
This one goes out to all the cuties in the quad
Walkin kitty corner, with the itty bitty bod
Telescopin out the window, waxin wise while you walk
I stalk the fox box to the party on lock
Security check soon my ID's inspected
In the elevator waitin to get wreck-ed
Open the door then get floored by the heat
You get passed a J while they play "Paul's Boutique"
Get a plastic cup and ice unless you like it neat
All the girls stand up, all the guys take seats
Smoke fills the air, you fill in Denise
on your major, on your minor, on the Middle East, the fo'sheeza
High plains drifter this sorority sister
Let the belt loop lead you to her liquor elixir
Smellin better than a bubblegum scratch'n'sniff sticker
You lick, shoot, suck, then duck out even quicker
A mad dash to her crib, my roomie is a geek
He's playing Galaxies, makin friends on Dantooine
So I'm climbin up a tree, bears clingin to my teeth
Miss the windowledge, hit the hedge, land upon my keys, oh!

[Chorus x2: mc chris]
I am a dorm rat, that is a fact Jack
Lookin at incense, playin with warm wax
Hittin on the honies at the vendin machine
The one hitter, trade dinner, all you need's an ID (I said)

[mc chris]
Oh! Plaid pajama bottoms or plaid pleated skirts
Everything you girls wear makes me stare at the dirt
If I had balls I'd flirt with y'all in study hall
Do the geek talk 'til your eyes roll back into your skull
But I'm a freek, spelled F-R-double-3-K
When you're walkin my way, with my pockets I play
I can't say, "What's-your-name, care to chat for a bit?
It's me Brian, that guy, from that class, Russian Lit?
Care to sit, have a chip, care for some fun dip
Dostoevsky doesn't impress me, what you think of that shit?"
But I don't, I just twitch and I itch in my pants
Play my Gameboy Advance, 'til she's finally walked past
A mad dash to my crib where I get on my blog
InSearchofSpock.com, check it out if you want
That's the steam blowin scene where I reign supreme
Webster's my Friendster, I run the message boards for Ween
It's a mental mall for teens, it's a paradise on earth
but in a way it's like a curse, faster than a Google search
I just sit here and drink beer while my roommate flirts
at some party, with some hottie who's all into Fred Durst
It makes my heart burst, and yet I do nothin
Just get on the web and start bitchin and frontin
A dot com curmudgeon who's love life is sufferin
It's the rope or the oven, or the hope I find love in the end

[Chorus x2: mc chris]
I am lab rat, that is a sad fact
Shinin my test tubes, cryin in restrooms
Dorm life blows if you've got no place to go
I call my mother everyday, I say I wanna (go/come) home