Текст песни: Stuart Davis. Billboard.

Pro life, pro choice, beauty queens
Liquid Clorox, feminine hygiene
Coca Cola, Tarter toothpaste
Dial this number, slap it on my face
Perfect placement, highway ditch
and useless products, that's my niche

I, the billboard
Pitching God-knows-what
The billboard, cheap space I'm a freeway slut
Granddad of the discount ad

I've sold indoor tanning, Campbell's soup
funeral caskets, porno flicks and Fruit Loops
Garden Weasels, ceiling fans
fireworks and alcohol, fake hair for the balding man

On a billboard
Pitching God-knows-what
The billboard, cheap space I'm a freeway slut
Granddad of the discount ad
Be wise, advertise

There's ads for famous churches, topless bars
homeless shelters, missing kids and rock stars
fast food and 3.2 beer, next filling station
I see the culture, I see one nation

On a billboard
Pitching God-knows-what
The billboard, cheap space I'm a freeway slut
Granddad of the discount ad
Be wise, advertise